As a child I had an intense pain in my heart whenever I saw someone suffering. It did not matter what type of suffering the person endured, or even, in fact, if they were suffering at all. If, in my little child mind I perceived a person to be suffering I would feel an intense pain in my heart. As I grew older, I spent many years hardening my heart and turning away from that type of response.
I now know that the response I felt was a classic feeling for an empath- a highly sensitive person who can feel or discern the emotions and feelings of others. I have spent the last several years cultivating a return to my tender-hearted nature.
At the same time that I was hardening my heart to the plight of others, I was also focused on a path of pure intellect and driven nature. It was my goal to not feel or to heal, but to constantly seek to do more. In short, I was doing everything in my power to kill my feminine nature to elevate the masculine qualities within me.
In December 2017 I suffered a major health crisis and ended up having heart surgery- at 37. I was just so run down that I experienced a freak complication from a virus and ended up with pericardial effusion- a buildup of fluid within the sac surrounding my heart. Thankfully the surgery was routine and after eight days in the hospital I was able to go home.
That health crisis alerted me to the need to get serious about slowing down and being more mindful of my body and my mental health. I had been practicing meditation for a few years, but did not have a routine practice. While my practice is still not what I want it to be, I strive daily to improve.
Today I am living a vibrant life in south central Pennsylvania with my husband and our pet/children: one dog and two turtles. It is my goal to bring a slower and more meaningful life to the people of my community.