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Doing the Hard Things

Sometimes you just have to do things that you know are hard. You know it’s going to be painful, but you also know that not doing it will cause even more hurt and pain in the long run. This is especially hard for empathic people because we don’t ever want to cause someone pain- not ourselves and not other people. But, as grown ups we know that there are times that the best course of action, the one taken in love, will cause pain, and that’s when we do it. 

I had to do something like that this week. I have been struggling in my personal relationship with someone I’m close to. Part of my process in healing myself this year is to heal my interpersonal relationships. This person is important to me, and as such, I want to live in clean relationship with this person. 

I have agonized over this relationship for awhile now, because while we are great friends and love one another, this person and I have also been dealing with our own personal issues that have been encroaching on our relationship with one another. I don’t want that and want a healthy and happy relationship. Our friendship is dear to me, and I want it to continue. I knew that I needed to talk to this person, but I also knew that doing so was going to be painful for both of us. This friend does not like conflict, and I’ll admit that I don’t either. But, the fact of the matter is, our friendship has been nothing but conflict lately. While my friend has tried to ignore the conflict by acting like an ostrich with its head in the sand, I couldn’t continue on like that. Even knowing that our friendship would likely end if I didn’t make the effort to talk wasn’t enough to get me going. I don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings. And, I knew that by hurting my friend’s feelings I would be causing myself pain, too. 

Finally this week I decided to bite  the bullet. I decided I would talk to my friend. And I did. And it was hard. It was one of the most difficult things I have done in a long time. And it did cause pain and hurt feelings. But, I’m glad I did it. It’s like ripping a band-aid off. You know it’s going to hurt but it will be more painful if you go slowly. 

So, I did it. I caused the pain and frustration and initiated a talk. I can’t say that everything is sunshine and roses now, but at least right now my friend knows how I feel. We have a lot of things to deal with in this relationship if we want to continue being friends, but at least both of our feelings are out in the open. 

And that’s the thing. I can’t promise that everything will be instantaneously great if you do the difficult things. I can’t even promise that they will be great in the end. Things might completely fall apart. But, if that happens then it is meant to be what happened and will ultimately be for the highest good of those involved. A broken and ended relationship of any kind can be for your best good if it brings an end to a toxic relationship that can’t be healed. 

In the end, you can’t force another person to want to heal. You can’t make them ascend to a higher vibrational field. You can only work on yourself. You can do the difficult thing and reach out to work on a relationship, but if the other person doesn’t want to you may need to walk away. It is not easy to do this. It is painful. But by not doing the painful thing you are ensuring you will vibrate on a lower plane. 

 

You’re Not The Right Kind

If you happen to live in a community (or ever have in the past) with a Jewish Community Center, then you know what their slogan is: Everyone is welcome at the JCC. That’s what they say, anyway. I wouldn’t  know. I wouldn’t know because I’m afraid to go to the JCC to even see if I’d be welcome. I’m not afraid to go to the JCC because I’m fat and out of shape and need to exercise. No. That’s all true, but it’s not why I’m afraid to go. I’m not afraid to go because I fear being laughed at for being fat and out of shape. That one’s not true. I’m so past that at this point in my life. No. My fear is much more practical. You see, I’m afraid to go to the JCC because I’m afraid I will not be welcome.

Wait. What?

Yes, you read that right. I’m afraid to go to the JCC because I’m afraid I won’t be welcome. This fear isn’t completely random and unfounded. My fear is grounded in the fact that I am not welcome in synagogues, and if I’m not welcome in synagogues why would I be welcome at the JCC? You see, my fear is logical.

To be fair, I am welcome in synagogues. My husband, on the other hand, is not. He isn’t welcome because he isn’t the “right kind” of Jew. My husband is messianic.

If you’re a Jew this is where you are probably saying, “Hold it. Stop right there. We agree. Your husband isn’t the right kind of Jew. In fact, he isn’t a Jew at all.”

And this is where I beg to differ. He was born a Jew, so he will always be a Jew. A born Jew can be agnostic and still a Jew. A born Jew can be Buddhist and still be a Jew. A born Jew can be anything and still be a Jew because Judaism is as much an ethnicity as it is a religion- perhaps even more so. However, a born Jew can’t be a Christian and still be a Jew.

First of all, this double standard doesn’t even make sense to me. I mean, I understand all the history and animosity between Christians and Jews. I really do. I just don’t get the complete hatred of an entire group of people- especially when it’s Jews who are doing that hating.

I’m not going to get into the whole messianic thing. What I do want to say is that no matter what your views on it are, in the end, why aren’t Jews and messianics welcomed in synagogues as interfaith families? My husband could be flat out Christian and be welcome. He just can’t be messianic and be welcome.

The thing is, if he isn’t welcome in synagogue then I’m not welcome. I refuse to go if my husband isn’t welcome to go with me. It’s not some anti-feminist thing. It’s a family thing. You know, Jews are supposed to be about family? Well, I just want to worship with my family.

As a convert I don’t have a long family history (not even a short one) of Jewish tradition. My days as a Jew began on May 12, 2016 (not including the study and preparation and lifestyle changes that preceded formal conversion). I would like to be active in my Jewish community, but I won’t. Not unless something changes.

I can’t say he isn’t welcome in any synagogue. The Reform temple where I converted welcomes him, but we now live in a different state now. The synagogues here don’t welcome him.

So, I am a Jew- no one questions that. But I am a Jew who really wants to attend services but doesn’t. All I can think of is Hillel. He is known for summing up the entire Torah by saying, “What is hateful to you, don’t do to your companion”. Aren’t we all companions on this planet?  As Jews, don’t we know what it feels like to be marginalized? Why, then, do we do it to others and even ourselves?

As for the JCC, maybe I would be welcome there. Maybe even my husband would be. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll be brave and check it out. Somehow I’m not so sure.

Thankfully, as a witch, I can practice my Judaism at home and not feel completely abandoned. Prior to the destruction of the second Temple in 70 AD, Judaism as a religion was practiced at home with certain festivals requiring trips to the Temple. But, aside from those required trips, the religion was practiced in the home with families. It was after the Temple was destroyed and more and more Jews were living in the diaspora that the religious aspects of Judaism began to be focused in the synagogue.

Most witches prefer to celebrate and honor the old ways. I do. So, I am grateful that my chosen religion was founded on worshipping in the home. However, it doesn’t negate the fact that today Jews gather to worship publicly and I would enjoy being able to gather with them. I guess I should just count my blessings. If they were aware that I’m a Jewish witch, then they probably wouldn’t accept me either. Maybe I shouldn’t judge and I should test those waters. I won’t, though.

What I will do is point out that we should all be a lot more tolerant of each other’s spiritual beliefs. In the end, most of our beliefs are the same when they are boiled down to their essential elements. A few days ago I saw a meme which listed the Golden Rule from various religions. If you take the time to study comparative religions you will see that in the end, no matter what deity we invoke, no matter what we call ourselves, no matter where we believe power and change comes from, in the end we all believe that we are the same and are required to love each other. If we all ultimately believe the same thing, why do we focus so much time and energy in trying to tell each other that we are wrong in our beliefs and that if we don’t all believe the exact same thing that some of us will end up suffering for it? I don’t understand.

Perhaps we need to spend some time in some serious soul searching to see if we truly believe what we claim to believe. We have all heard the maxim that actions speak louder than words. Don’t tell me what you believe. Show me. I hope you show me love.  

 

Groundhogs, Saints, and Trees

The past few weeks have seen a turn of the wheel of the year. Many of us are still experiencing the depths of winter, but the earth is beginning to stir beneath the snow and frozen ground. 

This weekend saw the celebrations of Imbolc, St. Bridgid’s Day, and Groundhog Day. Each of these are different (yet related!) celebrations of the coming of spring. A few weeks ago in January, the Jewish celebration of Tu B’Shevat celebrated the same  thing. 

Tu B’Shveat, or the New Year of the Trees, falls on a different day of the Gregorian calendar each year. The name literally translates to the fifteenth of Shevat, which is the Hebrew day it falls on each year. This year (2019), the holiday was on January 20/21 and in 2020, it will be on February 9/10. 
In biblical times, Tu B’Shevat was a date on the calendar which marked the time when farmers were to take their fruit offerings to the temple in the fourth year after planting. In the 16th century, Kabbalists created a seder (festive meal followed in a certain order) to instruct followers about the meaning of the Tree of Life and the relationship between humans and the Ein Sof. During the rise of Zionism and the birth of the state of Israel, Tu B’Shevat became a time to plant trees in order to build the nation. Today, it is celebrated with seders and tree planting. Those of us who live in areas experiencing harsh winters can still celebrate by planting a tree inside and transplanting it later. 

No matter what spiritual tradition you follow, this time of year marks a turning. It is still winter, but late January and early February marks the midway point between Winter and Spring. Sap starts to rise in trees, the earliest flowers start to bloom. There is a general hope and promise of re-birth in the air. May the remaining days of winter pass quickly!

Never Forget. Never Again

Today is International Holocaust Remembrance Day. It is a day which commemorates the liberation of Auschwitz, the largest Nazi concentration camp and extermination center. 

Do you know how many people died during the Holocaust? Many people are aware of the six million Jews who died. They were not the only ones. According to the US Holocaust Memorial Museum, a total of approximately 20 million people died. That number includes the approximate 17,303,900 known deaths as well as the undetermined numbers of certain groups of people. Who were all of these people?

  • Jews
  • Soviet Civilians
  • Soviet prisoners of war
  • Polish civilians
  • Serb civilians
  • disabled individuals
  • Roma
  • Jehovah’s Witnesses
  • Repeat criminal offenders
  • German political opponents
  • Homosexuals

You can read more about this here

I’m going to include here a piece I wrote in November 2015. It has been just over three years and we are still no closer to finding an answer to this question. I don’t know what the answer is. I do know that we must never forget the horror of what happened to 20 million people. I do know that when we say “Never Again” that it is exactly what we mean. This atrocity can never happen again. We must make sure that it doesn’t. And it doesn’t just apply to Jews. While Jews were the largest single group who died in the Holocaust, there were 14 million non-Jews who perished. Never again means never again…for anyone. 

Here is my piece from 2015:

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the #Syrianrefugees issue. I can understand both points of view when it comes to deciding if the USA and individual states should admit refugees. I really can. It’s not an easy decision no matter which way you look at it. On one hand you have innocent people trying to flee hellish conditions just to be able to stay alive. On the other hand, you have a real threat of terrorism from a small percentage of those people. Or at least we have a potential threat.

The one thing that weighs heavy on my mind is something that I’m sure many people get tired of hearing. The Holocaust. This has happened before. European refugees attempting to flee to the USA and being denied entrance. Lest we forget, in 1939, 937 refugees fled Hamburg, Germany for Havana, Cuba aboard the MS St. Louis. When they arrived in Havana, only 28 passengers were allowed to disembark and enter Cuba. The remaining passengers were denied entry.

After leaving Cuban waters, the St. Louis sailed so close to Florida that the passengers could see the lights of Miami. They begged President Roosevelt to grant entry to the US, but he didn’t even respond. The St. Louis was sent back to Europe with 908 passengers. Great Britain admitted 288 refugees and the remainder were admitted to continental European countries. Of those 620 refugees admitted to the European mainland, 532 were trapped when Hitler invaded Western Europe. Ultimately 254 of those people died in the Holocaust.

Two hundred fifty four lives that could have been spared. Think about that. It seems like such a small number compared to the millions of people who died, but 254 more people could have lived. Imagine what their decedents could have done. Decedents who were never born. I know a beautiful woman who lives because her mother was put on the kinder transport to England while her other family members were on the St. Louis. If I remember correctly, they landed in Holland, but were part of those who ultimately died. Just thinking about it makes me cry.

We can not continue to live a life ruled by xenophobia. We have to do our best to make the world a better place. Yes, terrorism is real. Yes, we need to be mindful of those who we allow in our country. But that goes for anyone, not just refugees. 254 people died in the Holocaust because of American antisemitism and xenophobia. Jewish people say “Never Again”. We all should say never again. But we shouldn’t just mean never again for Jews. We should mean never again for all people. I’m not saying we should just admit anyone. But saying refugees should be vetted isn’t enough. We need to have some real dialogue about what can honestly be done, what can truly work. This isn’t the time for ideals. It’s the time for making real choices. Will we continue to repeat the mistakes of the past or will we be better people this time around and do the right thing? I’m not saying what the right thing is. I don’t know. I really don’t. But we have to stop being ruled by fear and start living out compassion and love for our fellow man.

If you want to read more about the tragedy of the St. Louis, please go to this page on the US Holocaust Memorial Museum website.

A Jewitch’s Tools

I’ve been asked what tools I work with as a witch. I like to answer that question by asking the person back what tools they use. I don’t do it to be smart, but to see what they say. I’m just being curious. I also ask because I want to see what the person is wanting to know by asking what tools I use. I want to know if they are trying to figure out if we use the same tools or if they are curious what I practice with coming to witchcraft from a religious perspective instead of a pagan one.
I’m pretty simple in my practice and I don’t use many tools. My most important tool is myself. Since I’ve learned that everything is mental, my mind is the tool I use for everything. I don’t really need any tools other than myself. I can make magic just by using my mind, although I do find that other tools make things a bit easier.
Beyond that, there are a few tools that I use in my Jewitchery practice.
My Book– I have a book, but it’s not what you would call a Book of Shadows as it’s called in Wicca. It’s just a notebook where I take notes from my classes and keep a written record of my practice.
Crystals– I use crystals in my practice. I use them for physical healing as well as emotional and spiritual healing.
Herbs/Oils– I also use herbs and oils. I use them for healing as well as for fragrance in honor of the Divine.
Candles– I rely heavily on candles. Candles are the perfect all around tool and are wonderful all by themselves when you have no other tools to work with. A simple candle can be used to aid in setting intentions, honoring the Divine, or casting spells. I use candles for traditional Jewish worship like lighting Shabbat and Chanukah candles.
That’s pretty much it. Nothing fancy- just the basics. That’s how I like my practice. Simple. I would love to hear what tools you use in your practice.

Spelling Your Intentions

An intention is something you want to achieve and/or the determination to achieve it. Intentions, like magic, are mental. It’s all in your mind. I wrote about how magic is a mental discipline here. Regarding intentions, you visualize in your mind whatever it is you want to achieve. Once you have a clear and detailed picture in your mind you decide and determine that you will accomplish it. These two aspects are mental actions.

Note above that I said you need to have a clear and detailed picture of what your intention is. Why? The more detail in which you visualize your intention, the easier it will be to manifest said intention. Setting an intention to be healthy is vague. That doesn’t tell the Universe what you want. What does it mean to be healthy? What does health mean to you? How will you know you have achieved health? See what I mean? You need to have a specific and detailed view of what your intention is. Take time in setting intentions. You’ve probably heard to be careful what you wish for because you might get it. Well, that’s true. Everything in your life is something that you wished for and desired at some point. That can sound harsh if you are dealing with negative aspects of life. But, perhaps those negatives are the manifestation of unclear intentions. I’m not saying this to be harsh, but to share the truth. I am dealing with such things myself. I have since learned to be clear and specific with my intentions.

Having a clear and specific intention, however, is not enough. Your intentions will not just drop out of the sky into your lap. You must manifest it. That is magic. You have the power to manifest whatever you desire. You just need to learn how to do it.

Setting intentions is mental work, but manifesting (making magic) is an action. This is where spell crafting comes in. There are many ways to craft spells. I’m not going to get into things like herbology and crafting, etc., although that can be part of spell crafting (note the word ‘crafting’). What I’m specifically referring to here is the act of speaking or writing your intentions and how you are going to work that magic.

Affirmations

Affirmations are one type of spell and are very popular. They are speaking or writing positive affirming things to help set your mind for action. For instance, if your intention is to be debt free an affirmation could look something like this:

I am free of all debt. All of my financial obligations are met. I have the financial means to pay for what I need and want up front, free and clear.

Note that this affirmation is written in the present tense using positive, affirming language. It is not written in the future tense (I will be free of debt), but claims it in the here and now (I am free of all debt). There are also no negative statements in this affirmation.

Incantations

While incantations can refer to the act of uttering words for magical purposes, I am referring to the formula of an incantation. An incantation is a specific formula for writing or speaking the intention to help manifest it in reality. For example, let’s say you want to lose one hundred fifty pounds. You may have a written incantation that looks like this:

150 POUNDS

150 POUND

150 POUN

150 POU

150 PO

150 P

150

15

1

Note: This is how I do most of my incantations. If I want to reduce something I start with a whole and write it out and reduce by one until I have nothing. If I want to increase something, I start with nothing and add one until I have a whole

Affirmations and incantations are only two ways to craft spells and work magic. However, just like with setting an intention, spelling your desires is not the end step. You still need to do the work. Wanting something and saying it does not make anything happen. These are just the mental steps required to make it easier for the Universe to know what you want and open up to make it happen.

The Universe wants to give you what you desire. But you must know what you desire and must put proper action behind it. This is magic. It’s not receiving what you want dropped into your lap. That is what prayer is- asking a god for what you want and hoping that god gives it to you. In that instance, it’s up to the god and not you. I prefer to know I can work magic and manifest my desires on my own. I believe in my diety and pray, but not in a way that asks for my desires. I make my own magic- through spelling.

The Magic of the Winter Solstice

Magical practitioners often align their practice with the lunar cycles and phases of the moon. It is quite common to use the new/dark moon for setting intentions for things that you want to manifest, grow, and add to your life, and to work full moon magic for things that you want to lessen in your life. The reason for this is simple. You want to use the growing moon to increase and the waning moon to decrease so it is quite logical for manifesting magic from the time of the dark moon to the full moon and to practice banishing work during the time from the full moon to the new moon.

But the solar cycles are also a prime opportunity to work magic- especially for magic that will take longer to manifest. Sometimes you can work magic in a month, but other times it takes seasons or years. When you know what you are trying to work in your life you can choose the correct astronomical cycle to work with.

The Winter Solstice is a time to work magic and set intentions for growth. We don’t think of Winter as being a season of growth. Instead, Winter is a time of death and dormancy. But seeds that are planted in Winter will grow in Spring. When we plant magical seeds at the Winter Solstice they use the quiet time and stillness to grow. The sun reaches it’s shortest height in the sky at the moment of the Winter Solstice. From that point on the sun is reborn and begins to grow higher in the sky each day until it reaches its zenith on the Summer Solstice.

Winter Solstice is the time to plant magical seeds. With good care and proper follow through on the intentions, the magic that you plant now will grow and bloom in Spring.

Happy Solstice!

Shema- One God or Many?

Shema Israel Adonai Eloheinu Adonai echad.

Hear, O Israel, the Lord our G-d, the Lord is one.

This prayer is the cornerstone of Judaism. It sums up the faith in the belief of one G-d. I’ve been asked how I can call myself a witch and a Jew at the same time. How can I claim to be a witch and believe in only one God? Well, that’s easy. Judaism is a religion (and an ethnicity), and witchcraft is a practice. I wrote a blog post here that explains how witchcraft is not a religion but can be used to practice religion if you choose to do so.

But, specifically, I’ve been asked how I can believe in the one G-d of Judaism and claim to be a witch. Isn’t witchcraft incompatible with Judaism? I don’t think so. There are Jewitches who believe in multiple gods or even no god at all. I am not one of them. I do believe in one G-d. But, my idea/understanding of G-d is not what typical Jews (or non-Jews) hold as their idea/understanding. I believe that G-d is a force, a force of nature, that G-d is everything. G-d is the All. I don’t believe that G-d is a person or like a person, but I do believe that G-d is gendered. But, unlike most humans, I think G-d is both masculine and feminine. Note, I didn’t say male and female. I specifically said masculine and feminine. I think G-d has masculine qualities as well as feminine qualities. And I think that is the reason that we humans are both male and female, yet we all have both masculine and feminine qualities. If we are made in G-d’s image, then we would have to all have both qualities. At the same time, if we are parts of a whole and that two people joining together make one whole person, then we mostly have to be dominated by one gender over the other. That way, when we match with our partner, we each bring a dominate gender to create a G-dlike union.

Like most people, I find it easier to relate to G-d in the form of a human because I am human. So, while I don’t believe G-d is a person, it’s easiest for me to pray and relate to G-d as a person. Most of the time I visualize G-d as a woman. That’s not to say that a female G-d is a separate G-d from a male G-d. It’s just easier for me to see G-d as a woman because of the need to overcome overbearing masculinity from my past.

Anyway, I’m going to stop now because I have no idea if this blog has even made any sense. I hope you understand what I’m saying, but if not, maybe I can explain it better at a later date. It’s just difficult to explain the All. But, yes, I do believe in only one G-d. If G-d is All, then G-d is everything, and you can only have one everything.

The Miracle of Being Yourself

Chanukah is a Jewish celebration that commemorates the rededication of the Temple and the miracle of the oil burning 8 days when it was only enough to last one night. For those of you who may not be familiar with the story I will give a brief overview.

Anyone familiar with the Christian Bible knows that there is a span of time between the end of the Old Testament and the beginning of the New Testament. Most people are not familiar with anything that took place during that span of time. There are Bibles that have various books in them that are not part of the current Christian biblical cannon. Two of those books are those of the Maccabees. In the tale of the Maccabees, the Jews were living in part of the Greek empire. The Greeks outlawed Judaism and all forms of Jewish practice and belief were not acceptable. Instead of studying Torah, celebrating Shabbat, worshipping the one God, and anything else to do with being a Jew, they were expected to fully assimilate and focus on the physical aspects of self that were prized by Greek culture. Some Jews did just that. But one family, the Hasmoneans, did not want to assimilate. They did not mind being in Greece so much, but they did mind having to give up Judaism. And, they minded it a lot. One of the sons, Judah, the Maccabee (the hammer) gathered up supporters. Though they were few in number they defeated the Greek army. When they went to rededicate the Temple they found it in ruins. Everything was broken and smashed, and the Greeks had even slaughtered pigs on the altar. They cleansed the temple and when they did they found one small container of oil- just enough to light the menorah for one night. It would take 8 days to get more oil and consecrate it for temple use. But, that did not deter the Hasmoneans et al. They lit the menorah, and they went to get more oil to consecrate it. Miraculously, that one small container of oil, enough for one night, remained burning for all 8 nights until the new oil could be consecrated.

That is the story that is told at Chanukah. Parts of it may not be true, although we don’t really know. The Hellenization of the Jews and the Maccabean Revolt are definitely true. The part about the oil burning for 8 days? We don’t really know. The Temple was rededicated on the 25th of Kislev, and they did celebrate for 8 days, but whether or not the little bit of oil lasted, we don’t really know.  If you want to read more about what really happened during the Maccabean revolt, you can read it here.

The Chanukah story has real life meaning despite the authenticity of some aspects. The Hasmonean family and their supporters fought for what they believed in. They were willing to die to be true to their Jewish identity, and many of them did die.

Many of us as metaphysical practitioners, witches, mystics, whatever you want to call yourself, face judgement and persecution from family and other loved ones. Many of us hide our beliefs and stay in the broom closet so to speak. Many of us tried to change ourselves for so long.

When I was growing up, all the way into my mid thirties, I tried to change who I was. I remember as child I was very empathetic. I could feel the pain of other people. When I saw someone who was experiencing emotional pain it would cause me to hurt in my heart. I was laughed at for that and after awhile I began to shut off that empathy. In my teens I began exploring these mystical beliefs but was chastised because good Christian girls don’t get involved in new age witchcraft. So, after awhile I pushed down my interest in these things. I was also very interested in Judaism in my teens and what little bit of empathy I did still have was felt for the Jewish people. I was told that was all well and good but that it couldn’t mean anything other than I felt bad for all the persecution Jews have faced though the millennia of history. I learned to deny myself and change who I was. I became a very dedicated Christian, moving from the Baptist side of things to extremely Pentecostal. But, while I was a “good Christian”, I was miserable.

In 2011 my then husband died. When that happened I began truly questioning who I was and what I believed. I wasn’t ready to leave Christianity, but I started embracing Judaism more and more. I began studying Judaism and attending a Messianic congregation that blended aspects of Christianity with aspects of Judaism. There are many different types of Messianic beliefs that range from Christianity with a flavoring of Judaism all the way up to full on Judaism but believe that Jesus is Messiah. The congregation I attended for 3 and half years was somewhere in the middle. Then, I started attending a Reform Jewish temple and I felt at home for the first time in my life. I pursued formal conversion and became a Jew in 2016. One thing I love about Judaism is the ability to question. I was never encouraged to question religion or faith until I became a Jew. Since that time I have embraced my mystical leanings to the point that I now refer to myself as Jewitch. You can read about that here.

Becoming my authentic and true self has been a miracle. It has transformed me. Not overnight, mind you. And I still have more growth to come. We all do. But I am a very different person than I was in the past. I am more loving and more accepting of others. I know that there is a light inside of me- a Divine spark- that lights up the world. And every day, as I say yes to being me and not someone else’s idea of me, that spark grows. It sheds even more light into the dark world we live in.

At Chanukah we light the menorah. We start on the first night by lighting one candle. We add a candle each night until on the last night, all eight candles are lit. Every day the light grows a little brighter and sheds more light on the darkness around it. The same is true for me as I become myself. And the same is true for you. If you have been hiding who you are I encourage you to take an honest evaluation of yourself. If it’s not safe to be your authentic self then do what you can. Only you know what you can and can’t do in that regard. I can’t tell you what is safe for you. But, I can tell you, that as you take steps toward becoming your authentic self you will be a more free and kind person. Your light will shine brighter around you. And that is a miracle .

10 Self Care Strategies

Last week I blogged about being thankful for yourself. You can read that here. One way to be thankful for yourself is to practice self care. I used to think of self care in terms of big sweeping measures such as a bubble bath with flowers or a massage. Those are good things and they are acts of self care. In fact, I had a massage yesterday and it was bliss. Massages are an act of self care that I swear by and make them a regular part of my self love routine.

However, I have found that self care does not need to be fancy. Often, the little things that you do for yourself often make a big difference in how you feel. So, I have come up with the following ten ideas for self care that are simple, every day acts. They don’t cost anything, or don’t have to depending on how you incorporate them into your life.

Pick one of these or all of these. Incorporate some of them into your life and see how they make you feel. If you already do some of these pick some more. The more self care you practice the better you will feel.

Focus on the now. 

Don’t live your life in the past or in the future. Take each moment as it comes to you. Worrying about the past or future only robs you of the pleasure that can be found in the current moment. The past can’t be changed. The future is often not nearly as bad as we worry it will be. Live in the now and face each moment and day as it comes.

Spend time in silence. 

Our brains are over stimulated  most of the time. We have televisions, computers, phones, and a plethora of other devices that are constantly streaming information at us. It’s no wonder that we have a difficult time relaxing. Spend time in silence. Yes, I mean time without talking, but I also mean brain silence. Take time away from the constant stream of information. Quieting your mind will lead to a wide range of positive changes in your body and mood.

Move.

Find some type of physical activity that you enjoy. I am the first person to admit that I hate to exercise. But moving your body does wonders to improve your mood and how you feel physically. I have taken up yoga and it has made me feel so good. I’m not good at it- yet. But I do it. Actually, over the past two months I haven’t been able to go to my weekly class because of my husband’s health issues. I miss it. I miss it more than I thought I would. I knew I would miss the people, but I didn’t know I’d miss the physical activity. I can’t wait to go back.

Meditate. 

This goes hand in hand with spending time in silence. When you quiet your mind it makes it easier to meditate. It doesn’t matter how you meditate. You don’t have to sit with your legs crossed and your fingers touching saying “om” over and over. You can, but you don’t have to. Meditation can be as complex or as simple as you want it to be. The simplest form of meditation is being mindful of your breathing. Take slow deep breaths and focus on the inhale and exhale. Do this for as long as you like.

Do things that bring you joy. 

It doesn’t really matter what you do for self care. If it’s something you enjoy than it is caring for yourself. I’ve been under a tremendous amount of stress lately. On top of all that I’ve started writing a novel this month. It is Work with a capital W. In addition to my full time job, and launching this business I’m writing a freaking novel! But I enjoy it. Yes, it’s difficult. But there is a joy I get from disciplining myself to sit down and write something every day. Sometimes I reach my daily goal and sometimes I don’t. But I write something every day. And that brings me joy. Find something you enjoy doing and then go do it. That is self care.

Eat the “bad” foods. 

There are so many people who cut out foods they love because they are bad for them. Carbs. Fat. Sugar. Cholesterol. Whatever. Constantly trying to change what you eat to fit an ideal- even health- brings misery. I’m not saying not to be mindful of your health. Definitely be mindful of your health. But don’t ban entire food groups. No food is bad. Just eat in moderation. Of course, if you have an allergy you have to not eat it. Or, if you eschew certain foods for religious reasons (I do), then I’m not talking about that either. But if it’s a food you would normally eat but don’t because you think it’s “bad”, go ahead. Eat it. Just be mindful of it.

Forgive. 

We’ve all heard the cliche about not forgiving someone only hurts you, not the one you won’t forgive. Or how harboring un-forgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting on the other person to die. Well, I’m here to tell you that there is some truth in all cliches. I’m not saying it’s easy to forgive. I’m not saying you have to forgive if you’re not ready. I struggle with that one myself. What I am saying is that when you choose to forgive someone it does absolutely nothing for them, but it lightens the burden that you carry. Plus, not forgiving someone is living in the past, clinging to the hurt. So, you can’t live in the now and refuse to forgive.

Do nothing.

Yes, that’s right. Don’t. Do. Anything. Set aside some time, be it a day, a few hours, whatever, and do absolutely nothing. Some religions have an entire day that was designed for this. Some people choose to do it while others don’t. But, if you set aside a regular time to do nothing then it helps you to be more productive when you actually get back to doing something. Besides, doing nothing isn’t actually doing nothing. It’s taking care of yourself. And that’s something.

Be spiritual. 

I don’t care if you practice a religion or not. I don’t care if you believe in a higher power or not. Everyone can, and should, be spiritual. Find something outside of yourself that brings meaning to your life. If you find meaning in helping others then go out of your way to be helpful. That is a spiritual practice. If you’re more traditional and follow a religion, do so in a mindful way. Don’t just blindly follow what your religion dictates. Take time to contemplate the teachings and customs. That is spirituality. Finding meaning outside of yourself and connecting to that meaning will bring you an inner peace beyond measure.

Be yourself. 

Above all else be true to who you are. The worst kind of self loathing is derived from trying to fit your life into someone else’s mold. I spent many years of my life rejecting my true self and I was miserable. I was actually pretty good at living according to other people’s expectations. But deep inside my life was chaos. I have physical and emotional issues that I carry to this day that are the result of trying to fit a mold I wasn’t born for. When I decided to be me no matter what I reached a point where I could heal. It’s not easy, but I’m slowly getting there. And I have found that the absolute best self care is to be who I was meant to be.