Sometimes, you just have to do things that you know are hard. You know it’s going to be painful, but you also know that not doing it will cause even more hurt and pain in the long run. This is especially hard for empathic people because we don’t ever want to cause someone pain - not ourselves and not other people. (If this sounds like you, I recommend checking out Recognizing Empathic Traits.) But, as grown-ups, we know that there are times that the best course of action, the one taken in love, will cause pain, and that’s when we do it.
I had to do something like that back in 2019. I had been struggling in my personal relationship with someone I’m close to. Part of my process in healing that year was to heal my interpersonal relationships. This person was important to me, and as such, I wanted to live in a clean relationship with them.
I had agonized over this relationship for a while because, while we were great friends and loved one another, this person and I had also been dealing with our own personal issues that had been encroaching on our relationship with one another. I didn't want that and wanted a healthy and happy relationship. Our friendship was dear to me, and I wanted it to continue. I knew that I needed to talk to this person, but I also knew that doing so was going to be painful for both of us. This friend does not like conflict, and I’ll admit that I don’t either. But, the fact of the matter was, our friendship had been nothing but conflict for quite some time. My friend has tried to ignore the conflict by acting like an ostrich with its head in the sand, but I couldn’t continue on like that. Even knowing that our friendship would likely end if I didn’t make the effort to talk wasn’t enough to get me going. I didn’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings. And, I knew that by hurting their feelings I would be causing myself pain, too.
I finally got to the point where I realized that my friend's reaction wasn't my responsibility. I could discuss the issue in a kind and loving manner, but it would be up to them to determine how they would receive the information and respond. I didn't have the power to hurt their feelings. So I decided to bite the bullet and talk to my friend.
So, I did it. It wasn't sunshine and roses afterwards. In fact, we aren't friends anymore.
And that’s the thing.
- I can’t promise that everything will be instantaneously great if you do the difficult things.
- I can’t even promise that they will be great in the end. Things might completely fall apart.
But, if that happens, then it is meant to be what happened and will ultimately be for the highest good of those involved. A broken and ended relationship can be for your best good if it brings an end to a toxic relationship that can’t be healed.
In the end, you can’t force another person to want to heal. You can’t make them ascend to a higher vibrational field. You can only work on yourself. You can do the difficult thing and reach out to work on a relationship, but if the other person doesn’t want to, you may need to walk away. It is not easy to do, but by not doing the painful thing, you are ensuring you will vibrate on a lower plane.
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