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When Life Doesn’t Go As Planned

Babies. They get me every time. I always wanted babies- even when I said I didn’t I secretly did. I don’t have any children. I see my friends having babies and I’m genuinely happy for them. But, I have to admit that I’m just a wee bit envious as well.

When we are children we all have a vision of what we want our adult lives to be like. Here is how my vision went: I would be thin and beautiful. I would have tons of friends and be in a sorority in college. I would graduate college and become a teacher. I would meet the love of my life and get married. We would have two children: a boy and a girl in that order. We would have a dog and a cat and live in the suburbs in a house with a white picket fence. Our children would be well behaved and loving children. We would continue to have tons of friends and socialize all the time. We would grow old together and have at least 50 years of wedded bliss before my husband passed away with me soon following from a broken lonely heart. Seriously. That was my life plan when I was ten.

So, at 38 years old, how much of that has actually come to pass? Let’s see. I’m not thin, but I am beautiful. I struggle with that sometimes, but ultimately I do think I’m beautiful. I’m not a social person by nature. Well, let me rephrase that. I am a very social person but I’m also extremely shy. I don’t make friends easily, and as a result I have very few friends. I have tons of acquaintances, but very few friends. I was in a sorority in college, and am a firm believer that sisterhood is for life. I was a teacher, but not straight out of college. It took 12 years after college before I became a teacher. And guess what. I HATED it. Literally, couldn’t stand it and left the profession after three miserable years. I am married, but this is my third marriage, and I seriously doubt we will be growing old together. He happens to be 24 years older than me, so he likely will die before I do. I just hope I don’t follow soon after. Sorry ten year old self. You will thank me for that one. My second husband passed away. He was six years younger than me, and passed away. That’s life and it happens. We die. But back to my rehash of how my childhood life plan turned out. Like I said, I don’t have those 2 children. I do have a dog, but no cat. So, out of a life plan that consisted of 15-20 points only 2.5 of those came to pass.

If you judge the success of your life based on how things line up with a childhood plan then my life is a miserable failure. And I will admit that I sometimes struggle and think that. When I stumble across old childhood friends on Facebook and see how their lives turned out it sometimes makes me sad to think I wanted that life but didn’t get it. But I try really hard not to dwell on that. I remind myself of the beautiful life that I do have.

The life I envisioned for myself was a childish fantasy. That’s not to say that people who are living that life are childish. Not by a long shot. But see, that life was not for me. My guides have a higher calling for me than to live that life. I haven’t figured it all out yet, but there is something in store for me that is so beyond that life that I can’t even imagine it. If I had gotten my fantasy adult life there is something out there that I would miss out on. You see, my life is magical. You heard it. Magical. I’m 38 and on my third marriage. My husband is a disabled senior citizen. I work full time, but it’s in a field I love. While it’s not an easy job I love it. And, I’m also cultivating this magical corner of the universe.

My childhood life plan was not the life of my authentic self. And that’s the key to remember. That fantasy was based on the me that I thought I needed to be, the me I tried so hard and so long to be. I tried to be popular and was not. I tried to be a Christian, and I’m not. I lived so many years of my life trying to fit the mold that I was raised to be. And i have nothing but love for my family, but that life is not me. I have finally embraced the authentic me. And I am happy. I am happy because I can be who I am here to be and I can accomplish whatever it is that I am here to accomplish. I have a loving husband who supports me. He doesn’t understand my path completely, but he supports me on that path. And for all of this I have to say that I am beyond happy. I am content.

So, no. Sometimes we don’t get the life we always wanted. But we get the life we need. We get the life we are meant to live. Those of us who are living what others consider to be a failed life can remember that we have not failed. Our lives are full of destiny and a lot of magic.

 

 

Why I Celebrate the New Moon

The new moon is an auspicious time for many religions and philosophies. In Judaism, it is the beginning of a new month as Judaism follows a lunar calendar. In philosophies that practice magic the moon phases help determine the most effective time to work for specific intentions.

As a Jewish woman who practices magic, the moon phases play an important role in my practice. The new moon is specially auspicious for me. The new moon is the head of the month- known in Hebrew as Rosh Chodesh. It has traditionally been considered a holiday for women.  If you want a deeper understanding of the role of the new moon in the Jewish calendar you can find that information here.

Customs for celebrating the new moon vary according to religious traditions. Personally, I like to meld various observances from different practices. This is my style for pretty much any holy day that I celebrate. On Rosh Chodesh my ritual includes time meditating on new beginnings. I also set intentions for working magic in regards to things I want to increase in my life. I also spend time reading scripture and in prayer. I love practicing ritual with others, and Rosh Chodesh holds a deeper meaning for me when I am able to celebrate with other women. I enjoy hosting women for new moon ritual and serving them at this special time.

 

 

The Alchemy of Life

I believe in alchemy. Not the literal turning lead into gold kind of alchemy, but the kind that is more esoteric. When I was younger I did believe in literally turning lead into gold. I didn’t tell anyone because I knew that they would think I’m crazy and I couldn’t have that. But, since then, I’ve grown up. In that time, my views on many subjects, including alchemy, has changed.
Alchemy_symbols Blog Ready
Public Domain, symbol key from an alchemical text – Kenelm Digby A Choice Collection of Rare Secrets (1682)
I believe that many of the things we are taught throughout our lives- spiritually speaking at least- are metaphorical. And I believe that turning lead into gold is metaphorical. So what do the lead and gold represent? Us. Our selves. Lead is our base nature and gold is our higher conscious selves. Our lives are supposed to be about transmuting our base nature into an awakened, higher state of consciousness. And that transmutation is alchemy.
The practical daily aspects of how to achieve the alchemical change of our natures takes a different path for different people. It can come in the form of health and wellness, spirituality, religion, whatever. It’s different for each person because each person is different. But that isn’t to say that everyone following these various paths are pursuing the kind of higher self evolution that constitutes alchemy. There are plenty of health buffs who could not care less about their spiritual consciousness. And we all know that if religion in and of itself were the answer then millions of people would have achieved enlightenment. The path isn’t the answer although it is important. The path is the process, but only if you want it to be.
Flamel Blog Ready
Public Domain, The mysterious alchemical figures which Nicholas Flamel caused to be carved on his tomb. Reproduced in “Witchcraft, Magic, and Alchemy” by Grillot de Givry from an old engraving.
The entire purpose for Living Moon Meditation is the pursuit of alchemy. I am pursuing my higher conscious self. Everything here is about alchemy. I welcome you to join me in my adventure.
My name is Chaya Levana, and I’m an alchemist. You can call me crazy if you want to.

The Path Less Taken

Last year in 2017- about this time of year- I made a decision to study esoteric and metaphysical philosophies. It began as a personal journey for my own self and as a way to find answers to questions that I had. I grew up Christian. In 2016 I converted to Judaism. Conversion didn’t put an end to my questions. I guess I’m one of those people that will always question and be on a spiritual path.

One thing about Judaism is that it encourages questions. There is no believe this for belief’s sake. That ability to question has lead me down many rabbit holes. In this past year I’ve found an even deeper home in Judaism as I explore and adopt portions of other faiths and beliefs and embed them with my Judaism. You see, I was brought up as a deeply religious person, but that is not me. I am a spiritual person, but not a religious person.

Anyway, this isn’t about religion. This is about learning and sharing information. In this past year I have learned so much. And one thing I have learned is that while I may have started this journey for myself, I can’t leave it there. I have to share this information. And that is why I’m here. To reach you. My purpose is learning is to teach you. So, that is what I’m doing.

I’m becoming a spiritual teacher. A guide. A mentor. Will you join me on this path?