With the year coming to a close I wanted to take a look back at some of the major lessons I learned this year. I have five lessons that really stood out to me in 2019. I can’t say that I learned them this year because honestly I learned them a long time ago. But, these are five lessons that came back to me this year. I guess you can say I re-learned them. The universe does that sometimes. We don’t necessarily forget the lessons we learned, but life has a way of bringing them back around if we start living without integrating them. I’m going to use these five lessons to guide me into 2020.
Self-Love is more than simply not hating yourself. I recently had one of my coaches (Yes, coaches need coaching too!) ask me if I love myself. My automatic response was that of course I do. Since that session, though, I’ve really been thinking about how I love myself, and the answer isn’t great. If I’m being honest with myself the way I’ve been loving myself is to not hate myself. Lack of hate does not equal love. Also, self care does not equal love for self. I stumbled across this article that gives some in depth ideas on what self love is.
Health is more than a number on the scale. My word for the year in 2019 has been “refuah”. It is a Hebrew word that means healing. I have focused on healing a lot this year. One area I have always struggled with in terms of health is weight. I’ve always been a large girl- even so much as to use the word fat despite well meaning people trying to tell me not to be mean to myself and use that word. One thing I’ve really dealt with over the years- even now- is medical professionals resorting to fat shame me in to losing weight. Fat shaming does not work. And health is not defined by a number on the scale. There are plenty of healthy fat people and unhealthy thin people. Body mass does not determine your health. There are other metrics that are much better at defining health than how much mass you have working with gravity. This year I have started seeing a holistic doctor in conjunction with my primary care physician. My holistic doctor provides me with a much broader scope of service than I get with my primary. She has also helped me focus on general wellness as well as mental health. And guess what? I’m still fat.
Mental health is paramount to good health. That mental health my holistic doctor is working on me with is crucial to good health. You can eat right and exercise all you want. You can be thin. You can be whatever. But, if you are struggling mentally then your physical health is going to suffer as well. Our mind directs our bodies. If our minds aren’t healthy then there is only so much we can do for ourselves physically.
Connections on social media are not worth sacrificing mental health. Social media is a fantastic tool for connecting with others, but it’s just social media. In the end, it doesn’t really matter. Even if you know your connections in real life, the connection on social media isn’t all that important to real life. I have had several real life friends who have started being less than kind to me on social media this year because I’ve started being more vocal about my opinions and beliefs. I’ve let their comments slide even when I’ve been deeply hurt. I let it slide because we are real life connections and I value their friendship. But, I am learning to value my mental health more. And, for 2020 I’ve decided I will no longer let it go.
Life is meant to be lived without fear. Life is too short to live in fear. Our mental health depends on not living in fear. I have lived in fear for most of my life- fear of what other people would think, fear of not being loved- fear of dying alone. I’m focusing now on transmuting that fear into living my vibrantly authentic life. I will be stepping more and more out there and putting my face and voice where people can see and hear me. The absolute worst thing that can happen is that someone rejects me. But, by not putting myself out there, by being in fear of shining my truth, they already aren’t accepting me for who I am.
What lessons did you learn or re-learn this year? What truths do you plan to take into 2020 with you? Comment below and let me know.
~Michele Lefler